During the trial of the century an attorney said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. In my opinion, take it for what it’s worth, Johnny Mnemonic was a decent movie, but once they threw a dolphin in there for absolutely no reason it lost all credibility. It might have been a cool feature of the original William Gibson story -which I never read - but in movies the level of coolness, (where hackers are concerned), is proportionate to the level of Dolphins present. The fewer dolphins you have the cooler the hacker movie. Simple. If you think Ace Ventura is an exception it is not. There was only one scene remotely hacker-related and it was short, very short. A simple internet search before there were really search engines to find out about the billionaire owner of The Dolphins. Nothing more. Exception disproved Hackers and Dolphins, as evidenced by the 1995 Keanu Reeves movies, cannot co-exist in the same movie. The movie “Hackers” had no dolphins, and therefore, it was much more accurate portrayal of the hacking subculture (though not a completely accurate "document". The only pods that belong in a hacker movie are the ones with an “i” in front of it. You know what was good about The Matrix? No dolphins. Mechanical octopi, yes, but not dolphins. Chrome octopi in a gun-metal blue world work. Had the sentinels been dolphins the movie would have flooped. I rest my case." The attorney returns to his seat while his client looks at him dumbfounded. "I think are chances are good."
"I think I'm screwed."
Suddenly The Judge says, “That was the most irrelevant closing statement I have ever heard, and I’ve been presiding over this bench for twenty-seven years. I am personally going to make it my personal mission to see to it that you\ are severally reprimanded for this by The Ethics Committee. In my opinion, anything less than total disbarment, would be unsatisfactory.” He slams on the gavel. A few hours later the jury returns to give it's decision. “How do you find the defendant?” asks The Judge.
“We find the defendant incredibly guilty. In fact, it only took us a couple of minutes to cast our unanimous decision. The next few hours of deliberation were spent trying to figure out what toppings we wanted on our pizzas.”
"Ouch," said the defendant, "uber ouch."
His attorney, trying to console him says, "Well what else can you expect from a jury full of dolphins."
“We find the defendant incredibly guilty. In fact, it only took us a couple of minutes to cast our unanimous decision. The next few hours of deliberation were spent trying to figure out what toppings we wanted on our pizzas.”
"Ouch," said the defendant, "uber ouch."
His attorney, trying to console him says, "Well what else can you expect from a jury full of dolphins."
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